Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
Groucho Marx Quotations
We found 40 matching quotations.
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?
I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.
I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.
Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Politics doesn?t make strange bedfellows--marriage does.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
You are only as old as the woman you feel.